Mah Life.... Deal Wit It!

Richard Rosa .
there's so much behind that name it's amazing .
he's a 6 foot tall teddy bear with emotions he can't control .
even though he tries his hardest to lock them away tight .
i can't see my life without him.
he builds me up, and encourages me .
he knows just what to say to make everything ok .
he appreciates who i am, and knows what i've been through .
he gets worried, and he doesn't know what to do sometimes .
he has flaws but they make him who he is .
and i love every single one of them .
if the smile on my face were to ever disappear, you would know why
he's the light, the stars, and the sun up in my sky .

i love you richard marcos rosa *
and i will always love you <3

Soooo .
it's been almost 2 years now that me & Riche have been at it .
he was my first .
We argue like it's a part of our breathing routine .
The other day we started arguing with eachother
& he texted me the next day right...
He told me to listen to a song & i started to cry .
It really put in to perspective how he feels about me .
when i'm upset he's miserable .
when i'm happy he's happy .
it's like he's intertwined in with me .
&& i think i fall in love with him more & more everyday .

it's kind of a great feeling to know i have someone .
that loves me just as much as i love them .
maybe more ?

but i love you Richie no matter what <33

I look back now and it's like wow what was I thinkin?
All these stupid dudes.
Evern though my brother isn't here ; i still think hes trying to help.
I appreciate it.
I wake up, and i look for my phone to see if Richie has called or texted.
How sad is that? Pretty fucking pathetic right?!
What am i gonna do when he goes to texas?
Not wake up at all. Not look for his calls and texts anymore?
His attention is amazing ; and now that he loves me like I love him.
He's completely up my ass and I love it =]
I'm wifey && will always be no matter what <333


Mrs. Rosaaaa to the fullest <3

SOOO.
Wednesday the 26th of November 2008.
the day i became some what a woman.
Me && Richie had sex.
Meaning I lost my virginity that night.
I had a really bad headache after it.
I dunno why though.

I thought it was good.
I didn't think it was gonna be as good as it was.
i wouldn't have lost it any other way ya know?
Or to anyone else.
He's my knight and shining armor.
No matter what he'll have my heart forever and ever.
I love him beyond the stars and the sky, the sun and the moon <33
He'll be my first "true" love para siempre.

Thats enough of that.
I have to go clean <3

So I've been thinkin about this sex thing?
Am i completely 100% ready to ruin my life like that?
I know if I'm asking questions like this I'm not ready..
I've heard it all before.
But it just seems so far away ya know.
It seems like I would never see myself having sex.
It's just not in me to look forward I guess.

I have a good life ahead of me.
I'm ready to give my all to Richie.
I am.
but am I ready to lose my all to him as well?
Meaning lose the rest of the heart that I have left.
If things don't work out.
I'll be absolutely devastated..
Shit doesn't seem to work out for me in the end now does it?


What am i going to do?
I have a while to decide. =\
We'll see

I'm with my sister Ashley.
She's on the phone with Ramon like usual =]
I think it's cute..
Yea so last night I cried myself to sleep.
Richie keeps bringing Sergio up like if I love the boy..
I mean he's my friend and i love him as a friend nothing more, nothing less.
Why is that Richie can be so jealous ; but can get with mad girls?
He can talk to maddddd girls but I can't get one look
It's ridiculous, and some people tell me I can do better, and I don't deserve the shit he does.
I know that, but there's a reason I'm still there.
I've never felt the way I feel about him with someone else.
I never even looked at someone like I do him.
It kills me that he can treat the girl that is so much in love with him like shit.
but the girls that treat him like he's nothing he treats like royal gold.
I go through earth's ends with this kid, and I get the shit end of everything.
I go through pain, and crying because he acts like he doesn't care
He acts like he's the only one that's ever been hurt in their life.
I've been hurt plenty of times.
I've never be in true love with someone until I met him.
Do you understand how it feels to be so deep in love and get stomped down every 10 seconds by assholeness, and rumors...
It hurts my feelings which he's definitely not afraid to do.

I wonder how he'd feel if I made him cry.
If I made him wonder what my next move was.
If I talked to mad other boys and cheated on him with a dirt bag.
He wouldn't like it to much.
He'd probably have a fit and tell me he hated me.
I wouldn't ever do it to him though that's my point
I'd be faithful as the day came ; but he just isn't ready for me.
He isn't ready for anything
He acts like a little kid sometimes and I hate it.
As soon as I can't take it anymore and I'm about ready to just tell him to fuck off.
He says the most sweetest thing, or does the most sweetest stuff.
Like if he knows I can't take it and I'm about to pull out, and just give out.
I'm so tired of him acting like I don't mean anything.
That I'm only good for being there when he needs me, or wants something.
Why can't he fall in love like a normal person?
Constantly asking myself why I give into him, and why I put myself through this shit with him.

&& then I look back and think.
It's because I love him so much.
and I wouldn't trade him for the world even if he pisses me off to the extent i wanna fuck him up =]


I love him <3

Life just stays calm and there is no more drama left to disburse.
That's what my life is right now.
A big ball of calmness.
So happy. =]
I'm the exact example of what your life should be at the moment.
and I'm proud of myself.
I am reading another book.

The Things They Carried By Tim O'Brien.
A really good book =]
About men, and the Vietnam war.
I'm getting into it.
I didn't wanna put it down today.

I have to take a shower now.
Sorry for the short blog.
It'll be long next time I promise =]

I like to have few friends as possible.
Christmas will be so much easier.
I'm so happy about that. <3
I'm currently workin on reading a book.

It's called Gossip Girl.
I love it.
it has the show out about it and everthing.
awesome book =]]]]
but anyways.
i totally want to listen to some musci right now.
i'm oober bored.
and i just hate bein bored ya know?

i gotta call my seeeeester back.
she's probably like "wtf is this bitch doing"?
My brother's birthday was on friday. (Nov. 7th)
HAPPY BiRTHDAY COLTON =] -- RIP <3
I miss that kid dammit.
It was hard ya know?
2 days will be 5 months since he's been gone.
and everyday gets a little easier.
Some seem easier than most.
but i really do miss him <3
and i definitely know he's okay !! =]

I've thought about life a lot lately.
Either way it ends up.
You have to make the best out of any situaion.
Whether it be a bad home, or bad parents.
Or even incompetant boyfriends that don't mean shit lol
You gotta make stuff work, COMPROMISE =]
I learned to compromise.
and I'm working very well with it.
I've been really good.

I miss my muffin (Richie)
so many things we've been through.
SO LITTLE TIME.
he's still amazing.
even when being a complete dickhead.
he's still has the biggest heart I know.
His modest ass doesn't seem to think so.
I do. [ most definitely ]
I'm starting to think about our future too.
It doesn't seem to bright from here.
Not saying something will go wrong.
Just saying i can't see anything right now.
Only time will tell i guess.

but for now i wrote a lot =]
Let's get back to my book <33

"First Time"

Still remember when I first saw her face
it was just your average day it was May or maybe June
I think I remember, I ran home and told my mom I was in love
she said Corey your just to young to even understand the word
and I don't think your in it at all

It was first time in my life that I
had ever felt this way inside and I knew that it was real
it was the first time the first time
just like the snow fall coming down in June
impossible but it could be true and
I knew that it was real it was the first time

Man you should of seen us holding hands
telling our jokes and making plans
knowing it our hearts it was the start of our ever after
it was then I knew there could never be
anyone for her but me and deep down in her heart she knew it too
I'm telling you

It was first time in my life that I
had ever felt this way inside and I knew that it was real
it was the first time the first time
just like the snow fall coming down in June
impossible but it could be true and I knew that it was real
it was the first time

Then one day we got the news her and her family had to move
there wasn't anything we could do
then I turned and watched her walk away
all my sunshine turned to rain
I don't wanna feel that way again

It was first time in my life that I
had ever hurt so much inside and I knew that it was real
it was the first time the first time
just like the snow fall coming down in June
impossible but it could be true and I knew that it was real
it was the first time

It was first time in my life that I
had ever felt this way inside and I knew that it was real
it was the first time the first time
just like the snow fall coming down in June
impossible but it could be true and I knew that it was real
it was the first time

So usually..
i complain about how much life sucks.
but right now.
the only 2 things in life that sucks are...
I can't share it with my big brother
&& Richie's leaving for the airforce in Aug <|3

I guess it's good for him ya know?
but i can't really see him a lot.
and i can't be with him like i thought i would be.
so i guess thats another year down the drain hmm?
my heart isn't tough enough for this shit yet.
Love gets to you in the weirdest ways.

Colton still isn't here.
theres nothing i can say or do to change that either.
It feels like when i talk to him, he doesn't hear me.
So i don't do it anymore.
It's kinda looks like to other people if I'm forgetting about him.
&& i'm not.
Thats definitely not the case.
I could never forget about him.
He wouldn't want me to dwell on it either would he?
I mean...
He was amazing, and he didn't take death all that hard either.
It sucks that I can't show people that I miss him.
I don't really like letting people see me look upset.
So I try to be conservative.
I guess shit like that doesnt work hmmm?
I miss him like HELL !!
so dont ever let my actions tell you fuckin different.


Other than that.
My fuckin life is amazing.
I'm passin every class.
I might just be the one to go somewhere in life.
&& i digg it. :]
I'm no longer in my past anymore.
I miss some things.
but it's always good to let go and if those things come back
they were meant to be in your future as well.
So far nothing has come back.
and maybe thats because they were meant to stay where they are.

Uhhh.
Me && Richie are perfect.
No fighting, no arguing, no nothing.
Just us.
Normal, not together, bestfriend, WIFEY && HUBBY us.
and i wouldn't have it any other way.
Even when we're not officially together he treats me like we are.
I want him to be there for a long time.
and if that means hes not ready for a relationship
then hes not ready.
and apparently niether am I.

I got 5 friends. (including familia)
and im happy with that.
Less drama.
and i digggggggggggg it :]
uhmm so yea.

I love you guys.

So I haven't blogged in a while.
My brother Colton died June 12th.
I think i died that day.
I feel like God took a piece of me with him </3 I started "officially" dating Richie :] June 29th. <3 I couldn't be any happier with that. He's an amazing person. He makes me giggle... && he knows every spot to tickle me.. He spoils me rotten. and when we argue its like my whole world comes crashing down. I think that may have been the good thing to come out of losing my brother. Was gaining the love of my life ya know? He makes my heart flutter. && i love himmm so much. He lives is Pennsylvania, but i know for everything it's worth he loves me. You know when you find someone who makes you so happy... that it scares you !? That's how i feel about him... We started talkin when in like June of 2007 so so far we were dating a year un officially. I LOVE YOU RICHIE ROSA (o629o8)

I've been thinkin about my life lately ;;
I can't really figure out why ;;
but I can't really let go of my past..
I throw it in people's faces ;;
I'm usually very arrogant about it.

I've gotten my heart broken many times.
just because I throw my heart out there
like if it's nothing.
and I don't expect the worst that can come out of it.
I hate how I do that.
I know I have to change that as well.

My heart has been very loving lately.
I'm tired of being hurt ;;
now it's everyone elses fault.
Noone seemed to care about my broken heart.
So I'm not caring about anybody elses.
I'm so tired of that shit..

Richie and I are on hiatus,
you could say.
not like were really dating...
I mean he "loved" me.
I loved him..
what's your point tishauna.
Well he one of the main reasons.
My past I can't forget.
He started treating me like the other dudes.
I can't deal with that.
My heart isn't that strong.

Ryan is back in my life.
Not like that.
We're friends again...
Not as close as we used to be
though he might want to be.
but I mean he's an awesome person..
but I can't be with him when I'm not ready.

Anthony is dating Carmella.
Good ridence. =)
He pisses me off...
no more about him..

So life's be good so far.
Richie and I are no longer speaking =(
I guess that might be a good thing.
I can't friggin believe it though.
He's like my everything and I just didn't know what to do
But push him away ...
I pushed him to far this time I guess.
Jelisa said that deep down he truly did love me.
I guess that might be true.
&& if he wasn't stressing me or what I say.
Why would he put that as his display name ?!
I don't get how you could say you don't care but you do.

Today was the dance.
Leap Into Spring Dance.
It was pretty fun till Shaniece ditched me.
HoeS !!
LMFAO.
but that's pretty much my life for right now. =]

Thanksss

Wow;

I Haven't Blogged In Forever
So Heres A Recap Of The Last Coupl Months
I guess you could say
Lifes gettin way better.

My Birthday was on the 12th
It was pretty fun
I had a party on the 11th
Mad girls slept over.
and madd guys came
at like fuckin 11
it was madddd fun
then I cried...
about hating Khriz
LMFAO.



Ryan and I are on speakin terms.
Well Not Really But We Are Close..
If You Didn't Know We Aren't Talkin
We got into a huge arguement.
&& We just stopped talkin.

Khriz and I are never going to speak again.
Well I wouldnt say "NEVER"
but we wont talk for VERY long.
because he likes to lie.
&& bullshit
&& tell people things that arent true

Anthony is just a big bumb =]
I love him to death.
It was his birthday on the 19th
I wished him a Happy Birthday
Gave him a kiss
&& went the hell home...
uhm we had an arguement.
He admited to being IN LOVE wif me.
I thought it was bullshit.
I guess not. =]

Me and Carmella.
Are besties still
but one day we stopped being friends
for like 24 hours.
She pissed me off.
So I was like whatever
lets not be friends

Saphyre && Shaniece Are Still
Around.
I guess i cant get rid of them
LMFAO.
They are my besties tooo

Ashleys B-day Was On The 20th
She Had A Party
I went.
Had to leave early cause people like to be dickheads

I sent a letter to Ryan
talkin about how I feel
I'm not bothering him nomore.
He'll be ready to talk to me when he's ready

I do not go out with Ryan anymore...<3
Anthony asked me out and I said yes.....
Stupid fuckin me.
Cause we broke up a day later...
Shortest relationship I've had with him..<3

It Don't Matter No More.
I'm Doin Me From Now On...♥
Niggasz Fuck Wit Me Tooooo DAMN MUCH...
but it's whatever.
I'm sooo over it.

I finally found out that I wanna be with Khriz
but he has a girl soooo that'll never work for me
I GUESS.
Damn IT!

Sooo...
Pretty Much
I Go Out With Ryan Now...<333

It sounds GRIMEY...
but yuh all know what Saphyre did to me.
I likeded him first and she FUCKED HIM.
come on now.
so it's my chance to be with someone I like alot.
I mean it could be love.
I kissed him,

I SWEAR it was the cutest thing ever.
and i really liked it.
he means everything to me.
I love him.
But im stuck between 2
and im trynna find my way outta it

What Happened?!?!?
What Did I Do To Deserve A Kid Like Him?!?!?
I Must Of Did Something Right...
Cause The Wayy He Kisses Me
Makes Me Shiver...
The Way I Can Just Be MYSELF around him.
Makes me like him even more.
I Like How I Talk To Him About Everything.
&& He Buys Me Stuff Which Is A Plus.
But I Don't Want To Be Just Another Girl
I Wanna Be HIS ONE AND ONLY
but that'll NEVER happen so I guess..
FLIRTING is the best way to go...

But I Keep Thinkin
I like him but I love me.
So I dont feel likee a LOSER. lmao
I hate how boys like you but they dont

Ok sooo
my bff's ex just confessed
his love to me OMG
im spazzin cause i liked him for dumb long
but I dont want to fo that to her.
&& omg I like his bestfriend! alot!!!!
so i dont wanna like him
and i dont really i stopped liking him after
he went out with her.
so i cant really say i like him
cause i dont really
maybe my feelings will grow.
BUT I DONT KNOW

BOYS ARE SO FUCKIN CONFUSING

So I'm Madd Boredd..
Meggiesz Wit Me..
&& Yea School Was Interesting Todayy
Nick Kissed Me?!?!?!?
Don't fuckin ask
Cause I Wouldnt Know Wheree To Begin..
I'm So Wired... I Feel Like I'm High hahaha
But Meggie && Me Aree Goin` To See Carm
Nick, && Maybe Even Mah BooBear Anthonyy

No We Do Not Go Out Again YET!
lmao I Wanna tho...
Cause Carm Is About To Ask Enrique Out!
&& YAY! i might have another chance wit mah boo
but uhmm he has me on his top friendsz...
IM HIS #3 SPOT!!!!

Wtf?!?!?!?

What does that tell you?
Does he like me?!?!?
Or What I'm Veryy Fuckin Confused
But I'm Gonna Tell Him How I Feel
About Him Tonight...
Hopefullyyy I LOVE THIS SHIT!

I love him<3
&& thats all
I wrote alot todayy so PEACE

I keep thinking about him<3
After bowling it was likee
HE SUPPOSIVELY STILL LIKES YOU!
I dunno how he feelsz about me
Should I?!?!?
All I know is`z I lovee him..
&& I alwaysz will...

But he's gonee for a week..
=) lmao... but that night
I cried..
causee I couldn't tell him how I felt
&& now I'm sadd causee he's gonee..

I LOVED THE FUCKIN ATTENTION
i admit it.. finallyy lmao
I don't know what it isz about this kidd..
but i could lovee him
I alreadyy do..
my feelingsz are growin
&& they not going nowhere anytime soon
Soo lol i guess i shouldd go

I wrotee alot todayy too<3

I went bowling last night...
With Carm, Nick, Andrew, Justen, && Anthonyy
Yes guysz Anthonyy did go..
Ok so for the first half...
I was there by myself...
Then Carm && them showed up
I was madd when I saw Anthonyy
But I knew he was gonna comee..
So i got over it... Yah Kno?!

So Carm says "You Hungryy? Let's Get Something To Eat"
So I Was Like "Yeaa.. Let's Go"
So We Went To Get French Fries
Anthonyy walks in whilee I'm dancin to "It's Goin Down"
I giggled (( it was prettyy funnyy))
So I'm standin at the counter
&& Anthonyy goes "Tisha's Heree!"
&& he puts his arm around me...
He says "Tisha;; You know how to playy pool?"
I said "yea.."
He goes " really?"
I said yea.. he was like playy with me
i started to playy with him..
when Carm goes. RAYS COMING!
Ray is her stepdad...
He's mad big!
So Anthonyy goes here you guysz playy
How Is That Nigga Gon` Leave Me...??? lmao


Soo I went to call Shaneicee..
I criedd to her for likee 10 minutesz
causee Carm called Anthonysz girlfriend a man
&& he blamed it on me.. but she confessed to sayin it
YOU ALL KNOW how much i missed that kidd...
So i went outsidee && i called Shaneicee..
I cried..
Causee i wantedd to tell him how i felt
but i honestlyy couldn't do it..
So I criedd..

Robyn left at 1:00am crying.. i dunno whyy!
but after that...
thats when thingsz got interesting..
Theyy were dancing && bowling && having a good timee
whilee i sat in the chair looking depressedd
&& he comesz && sits on me && says "Tisha;; do you miss me?"
"do you miss me as your boyfriendd" && all i could do was
shrug my shouldersz causee I didn't know what to sayy
causee i do miss him<3

So he started singing "Say Goodbyee" to me
Shaneice told me that wasn't a good thing
I know this i aint DUMB!
But Then After Carm hung up on her...
He started singing "you should let me love you"
uhmm.. what about that is that a good thing?
you tell me

So I was talkin to carm
she was sadd..
so i started to adjust my boobs
to makee her laugh && Anthonyy of coursee
had to be there starin me down..
He said "What are you trynna make them perky"
I pushed them up again...
He says " you are.. arent you?" && he grabs em`
EWH lmao he madee me LAUGH!

So we went outsidee for their cigarette break.
&& they started to havee a snow fight
&& of fuckin coursee theyy had to bring me into it
I LOST MAH PHONE!!!! in the snow i think..
Anthonyy tried to help me find it but it didnt work
but uhmm After that snow fight MAH ASS CHEEK was FROZEN
&& so i said it out loud walkin past Anthonyy
&& he grabbed my ass cheek.. madee it feel a lil better too LMAO
I lovee this kidd<3
so we got in the cab && went homee

I HAD ALOT OF FUN CAN YOU SEE LMAO!